
So who is Mary Sue and what does she have to do with Twilight? The definition of Mary Sue as
given by wisegeek.com is very well put. It states:
A Mary Sue is a
character in a work of fiction who exists primarily for the purpose of
wish-fulfillment on the part of the author. She plays a prominent role in the
work, but she is notably devoid of flaws or a complex personality, and she
usually represents the pinnacle of idealized perfection. All of the other
characters love Mary Sue, because she is extraordinarily helpful, talented,
beautiful, or unusual, and she often drives readers absolutely crazy because
she is one-dimensional and too idealized to be realistic. The male equivalent
of a Mary Sue is a Gary Stu.

First of all, I’m into good, meaningful names for characters,
Isabella and Swan are both beautiful names, but how pretentious is it to name
your main character something that means beautiful swan? Seriously.
Bella is essentially the world’s most boring teenage
girl and somehow she gets a vampire- a guy who’s been alive for over 100 years
and seen everything- to fall obsessively in love with her. I mean this guy has
over a century of culture, intelligence, and experience and for some reason he
just can’t get enough of Bella. But if that weren't enough, oh no, another
mythical creature- a werewolf with abs of steel- ALSO is obsessively in love
with her too. Oh dear, she has TWO hot, magical men who love her. What’s a
girl to do?

But wait, there's more… did I mention that since she is a
vampire now, she and Edward get to have endless, amazing vampire sex because vampires
stay hot, young, and beautiful forever and never get tired? However, this makes
no rational sense because in Meyer’s world vampires don’t have blood, a pulse,
or beating hearts. I'm no science and anatomy expert, but last time I checked blood coursing through your body is the means by which you can become sexually aroused, so therefore how can Meyer's vampires even have intercourse? An awkward thought, but seriously, she didn't even consider that before going into pages and pages of vampire softcore porn?
Renesmee will become full-grown by the time 7 years have
passed. She grows incredibly fast and therefore Bella and Edward don’t have to
deal with diapers and late nights for more than a few months… convenient…again. They feared she would grow too fast and die, but some random tribal people
from Brazil appear out of nowhere and let her know that her child will get to
live to be at least 150 years old, if not older, so she gets to have her
precious Renesmee forever too. Convenient… again…

*Side Note: Bella’s dad, Charlie, is the best character in
the whole series. Team Mustache-Dad!
Stephenie Meyer is the age of most of her readers, who are
in fact not teenage girls but women 30-50 who want to relive their teenage
fantasies through the vessel of the mighty Mary Sue. It’s quite sad, really. Not that older people can’t enjoy young adult fiction, I personally
do, but it’s just bad writing and story development. If you are an aspiring writer, like me, let this be a message for us all. Stay away from Mary Sue!
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